Page 50 - Demo

50 Phonebox Magazine | January 2026See you in 2026!Dave%u2026 HAPPY NEW YEAR?I confess to having been a bit %u2018Bah Humbug%u2019 over the Yuletide period. It wasn%u2019t intentional %u2013 more a side-eff ect of looking around at what was going on during what is supposed to be the season of goodwill.Take Yeovil, for example. The council there has decided that a small family farm that keeps 10 reindeer for school, college, and disability-group visits must now obtain a zoo licence. The cost? %u00a32,747 upfront and %u00a32,697 every four years to renew it. After a complaint, the council suddenly deemed reindeer %u2018dangerous animals%u2019 and insisted that the farm keep fi rearms and ammunition in case of an escape. I%u2019m a bit of an expert on authorities trying to ban animals (see last month%u2019s column), but from what I can gather, reindeer, a docile creature when domesticated, can become aggressive when guarding their young or feeling threatened %u2013 which puts them squarely alongside sheep, dogs, cats, horses, cattle%u2026 and many parents at school sports days.Should the council push this through, the farm may have no option but to have the animals destroyed %u2013 a perfect example of bureaucracy triumphing over common sense.Then there%u2019s HSBC, who reportedly told staff not to wear Christmas jumpers in case it upset their face-to-face customers. I was more surprised to hear they had any face-to-face customers %u2013 the rest of us are usually invited to talk to a machine, then another machine, then a website, then a chatbot, before being told the branch closed three years ago.An HR report I read went even further:%u2018The smartest employers are shifting towards opt-in celebration, team-led initiatives and values-based challenges that reward the behaviours they want to see.%u2019Oh, for goodness%u2019 sake, get a grip! Just put on a silly hat and have another sherry.Meanwhile, in Croydon, a man left his car legally in an unrestricted area for a fortnight, only to return and fi nd the council had painted a disabled bay around it and issued him four parking fi nes. Croydon has declared eff ective bankruptcy three times since 2020, and actions like this go some way to explaining why. No single political party has overall control there, which at least means everybody can blame everybody else with equal vigour.All of this led to a certain lack of jolliness this year. Or perhaps %u2013 somewhere Newport PagnellClifton ReynesOlneyI%u2019m sure some people like Olney%u2019s tree, but in daylight you could easily wander past without realising it%u2019s there. I make no bones about liking a proper Christmas tree. Every year we go to my mate Ian Craig at Stagsden %u2013 a cup of tea, a few jokes, a catch-up, and my wife and daughter mooch around the shop. Lovely tradition. And it supports local businesses that have spent years growing environmentally friendly spruce and fi r.There is an argument, I suppose, for buying a pole from a scrap dealer, sticking on some Costco lights, dressing up as Scrooge with the heating off and calling it festive. But my own family tree sits proudly in the window beside the church entrance between adapting Steptoe and Son for the stage and shuffling through the years %u2013 I really am morphing into old man Steptoe.But the moment that fi nally tipped me over the edge was the Olney Christmas tree.I%u2019d admired the lovely tree in Newport Pagnell. I%u2019d seen our Clifton Reynes tree %u2013 a proper village eff ort, complete with community spirit. And then I went to Olney. The comparison speaks for itself:in Clifton Reynes and, if people look in at all, I%u2019d rather they smiled than muttered, %u2018Must be a miserable sod who lives there.%u2019Some people point to the religious argument %u2013 In the Old Testament, Jeremiah warns against idols made of wood. (I%u2019m quite up on religion, believe it or not, due to my family Salvation Army background.) But frankly, if I%u2019m going to hell, I suspect there%u2019ll be other reasons long before %u2018owned a biodegradable Christmas tree%u2019 is cited.I feel that there could be some remakes of classic fi lms. %u2018The Invisible Christmas Tree%u2019 and %u2018The Incredible Shrinking Dickens Of A Christmas%u2019 spring to mind.When we were young, Christmas felt gentler. I remember nipping down to Barricks newsagents two weeks before Christmas to buy the Radio Times or TV Times. My brother and I would ring circles around fi lms we wanted to watch, fully aware that you could only choose one if the BBC and ITV clashed. This was long before video recorders, let alone catch-up TV. Is it better now %u2013 everything on demand? There was something special about that single, unrepeatable showing of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Mary Poppins or The Sound of Music.Of course, to a degree, we all make our own fun. I spent a few very happy hours over the festive period watching the Green Party leader, Zack Polanski (or Dave as I call him) and haven%u2019t laughed as much for a long time. That and Donald Trump are both great entertainers and both nuttier than a squirrel%u2019s fart.It%u2019s small moments like that %u2013 and watching It%u2019s a Wonderful Life with Jimmy Stewart %u2013 that make Christmas worthwhile. But perhaps, when it comes to trees at least, Olney might consider going back to basics.On a brighter note, I%u2019ve started digitising my late father%u2019s cine fi lms of Olney from the 1960s. It%u2019s taking a while %u2013 transferring cine to digital, trimming out the non-Olney bits %u2013 but people I%u2019ve spoken to are keen to see it. Dinglederry when it was fi elds and a milking herd; the Floral Fiesta with lorries running up the High Street; even the %u2018dangerous sports%u2019 on the Rec. Once complete, I hope to show the fi nal edit at the Carlton House Club. We will publicise it and hopefully have a full house.If nothing else, it reminds us how warm, communal and wonderfully eccentric this town can be. And that %u2013 even in a world of odd council decisions, banned jumpers and disappearing Christmas trees %u2013 we can still have a bit of fun.