Page 74 - January Phonebox Magazine 2012

PEGGY
November 5th 1996 – December 2nd 2011
IF IT SHOULD BE
If it should be that I grow weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep, Then you must do what must be done, For this last battle cannot be won. You will be sad, I understand.
Don’t let your grief then stay your hand. For this day, more than all the rest, Your love for me must stand the test. We’ve had so many happy years. What is to come can hold no fears. You’d not want me to suffer so;
The time has come — please let me go. Take me where my need they’ll tend, And please stay with me till the end. Hold me firm and speak to me,
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time that you will see
The kindness that you did for me. Although my tail its last has waved, From pain and suffering I’ve been saved. Please do not grieve — it must be you Who had this painful thing to do. We’ve been so close, we two, these years; Don’t let your heart hold back its tears. Anonymous
7steps to new year happiness
new you
What do business gurus, psychiatrists, theologians and economists have in common? One thing is that they are all expected to provide the answer to the question of what makes people really happy. How to achieve maximal well-being, fulfilment, authenticity and even joyfulness in life.
The curiously reassuring thing is that the answers are so similar. Certainly, many have changed their minds over time, particularly naïve materialistic economists given to simple formula.
Some still hold on to the notion of happy genes and the “happy personality profile”.The idea is that there are predispositional factors that contribute to happiness.That may well be true but genes interact with the environment and express themselves in different ways.Those born bright, attractive and healthy to a middle class family in a stable democracy have a better chance. Or do they? Check out the suicide or depression statistics. Just as we make our luck, we also make our
chatter and natter; give social support: care about each other. Your social networking only becomes functionally noteworthy when you lose it. Unemployed and retired people often become depressed because they are deprived of their friends at work.
Fourth, do voluntary work.There is much available and can be anything from helping serve in a local charity shop to collecting money, helping strangers or whatever. People say you can’t motivate people if you don’t pay them. But volunteer workers are often amongst the most happy. The work gives them purpose. It provides time structure and a sense of self-worth.
Fifth, pursue a passion by learning or upgrading a skill. Most of us have gifts though it does take often quite some time to discover what they are. It is never too late to polish up some talent.The passion does not however have to be skill related. It may be collecting or even train spotting. But it gives flow: that state where total
happiness.
So what are the seven steps? Broadly they can fall into the three groups: those about time, about people and about thoughts.
“
time is forgotten. It is ”the
absorption means time is forgotten. It is the most perfect of states.
Then the steps involving thoughts or cognitive skills. They refer to the way we think about issues.The sixth step to happiness is to count your blessings.The old saying went:“I cried because I had no shoes and
then I saw a man who had no feet”. It can be very
The first step is
simple ‘carpe diem’.
Live in the now.
Celebrate, use, enjoy
today as if it were the last day in your life. Seize opportunities, default on yes; revel in the moment.
The second step is also time related. Let go the past. Easier said than done.The monkey on the shoulder. What is most interesting about this issue is that one implication is not to go into a therapy or counselling which tries to help adjustment and encourage happiness by raking over the coals of the past. Imprisonment not liberation many report.The idea is not to be chained by emotion or beliefs that happened a long time ago.‘The past is a foreign country: they do things differently there’. Happiness, insight, forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same. Look forward, not back.
Then there are the people’s issues.The third step to join groups involved in projects. Satre was wrong: happiness, not hell is other people. Sure it does depend on who they are. Happy people are heart-lifting, life-enhancing as much as unhappy people are heart-sinking.We are social animals.We are designed to live in groups; to
that state where total absorption means
most perfect of states
Article by Adrian Furnham. Adrian lives in Olney, is professor of psychology at University College London and is a columnist for the Sunday Times.
74 Phonebox Magazine
unhealthy and unhappy-making, indulging in what is called upward comparison; that is comparing ourselves with those much better off. More attractive, richer, more powerful. But downward comparisons can be seriously beneficial. Most of us have a lot to be grateful for. We need reminding of that.
Finally, act and think positive. Call it cognitive behavioural therapy or the art of making friends and influencing people. It’s about starting positive, virtuous cycles not negative vicious circles.There are two sorts of consequences. If you smile others are likely to also making all interaction easier. Further, there is some evidence of biochemical feedback loops. It’s all that stuff about endorphins.Acting positively leads to lowered stress which leads to feeling more relaxed and positive which leads to greater happiness for all concerned.
So start the journey.Take the steps.Today is the first day of the rest of your life.You can be and stay happy. But you have to practise.