Page 70 - Phonebox Magazine April 2016

The Police and other matters
David Pibworth
Well, the good news is that following the police meeting at the Olney Centre, the authorities
have decided to re-open the police station in Olney, and employ seven new full time police of cers who will rotate with Newport Pagnell of cers to ensure safety in Olney and the surrounding villages, and the bad news is that this is an April Fool, and nothing of the kind will ever happen.
If you think that’s a bad taste joke then think about the rates and taxes we all pay, and the fact that some of it should be used to ensure the safety of all UK citizens and work out
which joke is the worst.
The meeting with the police did happen and it was a subdued affair. The policeman there knew it was pointless and the public knew it was pointless, so nothing was really covered.
The policeman had a thankless task, as it’s not his fault their budget is in tatters, but some interesting facts came out of it which are worth bearing in mind. He explained that they were trying to make it easier for the public to report crime, and then told us that the front desk at Newport Pagnell police station was being closed down. I’ve yet to work out how that makes it easier to report
crime but perhaps it’s just me.
Then we came to the dreaded Facebook. Some people in Olney have been warning others about crime via the social media. Any warnings are swiftly taken down via the police, so it seems they can pay someone to monitor that. He was quite disparaging about the Facebook page which I think is really good and surely one of its purposes is to warn residents of possible skullduggery, but it appears it’s not on and you should report it to the police, which most people would do anyway. It’s just a quicker way of telling your neighbours isn’t it?
Then someone mentioned that we would have to carry on ‘policing ourselves’ and that made our friendly copper jump a bit, and he explained that this was a dangerous statement. Well we disagree on that. What do they expect when crime appears to be on the rise and policing seems to be on the decrease?
Ah well, it was no more or less than I expected, and that’s about that.
On to jollier matters. The comedy jazz band, the Bolivian Sunshine Dogs, of which I am a member, are recruiting a new trombone player, so if you can play the instrument, are middle aged, and have a touch of the absurd about you, do get in touch. I think we’re all fetching up at Ian Roberts Indigo Night at the Two Brewers on the 14th April (sponsored by this very magazine) where we shall be doing a few new numbers and possibly an old one or two. Come and say hello and bring your trombone!
We’ve played the MK Theatre, headlined at the Monster Raving Loony Party Conference and done warm ups for Kenny Ball etc. all good fun and we have a few gigs in the book this year starting with the Beer and Sausage Festival at the White Hart at Sherington on the 2nd May.
And don’t forget, if you want to meet Frank Williams, the original vicar from Dad’s Army, he will be at the Carlton House Club on the 17th April at 16.00 chatting about Dad’s Army, Morecambe and Wise and all of the others he’s worked with over the years and you can chat with him and just have a fun afternoon. All ages welcome and tickets are £12.50 and available from the club, or my of ce. Details from davidibworth@ googlemail.com. See main advert for more information.
See you next month.
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DAD’S ARMY VICAR
FRANK WILLIAMS!
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• You Rand M’Lord • The Two Ronnies • Z-Cars • Tommy Cooper •
70 Phonebox Magazine | April 2016
Morecambe & Wise • Harry Worth • All Gas & Gaitors • Monty Python • Emergency Ward 10
The Army Game • Dick Emery • Royal Variety • Pink Panther • Armchair Theatre