Page 75 - Phonebox Magazine May 2011

DAVID PIBWORTH COLUMN
I read through the Phonebox in april cover to cover and
realized that we have a
veritable Smorgasbord
of news in front of our
eyes every month and
thought that I would do a
Review of the April
edition of the magazine.
We start with ron hall, our intrepid editor and
his VAT wheeze in the editorial. this is where he notified readers that Vat was due on the magazine over the
last 6 years, amounting to £252,000 and could we all nip in and pay £12.50 each.
he omitted to mention that it was april the 1st when the Phonebox came out. however if you went to the ‘Justgiving’ page that he asked you to, then all was revealed as a joke and if you do donate money online then it goes to Willen hospice, so a very good april Fool joke and money going to Willen. Brilliant stuff.
there’s always a bit about Tesco’s application for a site in Newport Pagnell which is a
contentious issue. there is a letter to the editor pointing out that many people in Newport Pagnell may well want a tesco, but haven’t made their views clear. Well if that’s the case then they should stand up and be counted, and possibly put their surnames on letters to give it some credibility.
I have to say that with a tesco Superstore at Kingston not five miles away from the proposed one in Newport Pagnell, it does seem ridiculous.
More to the point Newport Pagnell Town Council, on behalf of those it represents, proposed that MK Council reject the application by
tesco, and this was ignored, so no notice has been taken of the people, as usual. ah well, as we slide down the razor blade of life we become accustomed to these things I suppose. My advice is, if you don’t like it, don’t use it.
however on a happier note, one of the councilors at olney, resigned and walked out of a town Council
meeting, as reported by
Mercury. I didn’t quite work
out what it was about but any
resignation on a matter of
principle cheers me up. I’ve
always wanted to resign and
storm out of a meeting on a
matter of principle but as I
don’t serve on anything worthy enough and hold very few principles it probably won’t happen. ah well, we all have a dream.
I’m a member of the Max Miller Society and on rare occasions turn out to their agM, mainly because it’s a chance to meet old comedy pals and have a wander around Brighton. Nothing especially contentious happens there but once during
a mild debate on a point of order the Chairman let out a loud shout and rushed from the room. there was a silence in the room and we were a bit taken aback by this apparent resignation. however it turned out that he’d had a rather fierce curry the evening before, washed down with strong ale, and it had suddenly caught up with him, and he needed to be elsewhere and quickly. Sorry, pointless story. Where were we?
an interesting article about the Community First Responders. this is where you are trained to go out and provide vital life support or treatment before the police or ambulance
get there. You get no pay for this. It’s a volunteer scheme. this is due to government cutbacks no doubt. It seems to me a bit curious that the
government are more than happy to pay people to go around checking that we have filled in our absurd Census forms, and spend vast amounts of money on a referendum on the voting system which the public didn’t ask for, and yet want people to turn out to save lives for nothing. Note that those who volunteer have to have their car insured for business use. that alone costs very much more than domestic and social use, so who will cover that cost? Some may be lucky enough to get the use of the official car. But they are keen to point out that volunteers are not trained to use the lights and sirens. oh dear me. Initial training - one weekend - to save lives but not trusted enough to use the lights and sirens.
don’t get me wrong, I’m not having a go at what these people are doing. It’s just that the government shouldn’t be asking volunteers to save lives. It should be paid for through the NhS. I could give a list of where I
think government cut backs
should start but I only have so
much space each month.
What else do we have in the
Phonebox. Loads of adverts for
sure which is good and sports reports from most of the olney clubs which is excellent. the Newport Brownies managed to get a trip to London, lucky lot. When I was in the olney Cubs sometime in the late 18th Century, I seem to remember our trips involved going to emberton. the highlight for me was going to gregories fish and chip shop with desmond Smail and various others boys from the era. does anyone else remember the incident with the hand grenande? ah, happy days.
there’s also reports from our schools around the area. again this has changed over the years. Schools seem so much more peaceful these days and the teachers so much more laid back. ours used to hit us quite a lot I remember, not that it did much good. or much harm either, as I don’t think we took much notice of it.
there was one teacher (now deceased), who many years after my school days were over, I would hide from if I saw him. to get it into
perspective, I think he would hide from me as well, so there was a
kind of mutual
respect for each
others perceived
inefficiencies.
the Pancake Day
gets a good spread
as it should. that’s a
really good day for everyone and I think that all the kids should get the day off for that. I think I might have argued that when I was at school as well, but much like my arguments for a referendum on europe it falls on deaf
ears.
the column ‘The Buzz’ is good.
there’s quite a bit on comedy in that in april and it’s good to see the younger ones keeping it going and there’s an offer for those
of you who fancy it, to do some stand up comedy. all I can say on that is really rehearse your act before you go up and believe in it. and work out a few heckle
stoppers, which I’m happy to provide but not in print in the Phonebox.
Booze On The Ouse is coming up in June, which is always a
good show. there’s
even a rumour that
some of the Bolivian
Sunshine Dogs (the
comedy band with
whom I appear) will
be turning in, but don’t
let that put you off.
also the Churches all
seem to rub along together, which is good to see. In these days of so many religious wars, or at least wars that are fuelled by fanatical religion, it’s pleasing to know that there isn’t likely to be insurgency around the
olney/Newport Pagnell area for the time being.
So all in all it’s a great area to be in. Lots on, a bit of controversy, a bit of nonsense from Geoff B and me and a good read for
all.
It’s a far better read than most of the newspapers I tell you. I opened one up today to find the main story was the Prime Minister declaring that he was considering wearing a ‘Lounge Suit’ to the royal wedding instead of the correct attire. I’m not
sure that the man isn’t one
pea short of a casserole.
oops, politics, which I
promised I’d keep away
from.
See you next month.
Phonebox Magazine 75